Birthday Wishes and No More FOMO

Yesterday, June 10th was my birthday. On Facebook, I received several messages of well wishes from friends and acquaintances. It really made my day. I normally opt not to do much celebrating. I usually choose to take the day off to relax and reflect on the last year. However, because I will be going out of town for vacation on Friday, I chose to work as normal. An acquaintance of mine who is a friend on Facebook, just so happens to also work in my company. He approached me at work to wish me a happy birthday. I thanked him and he asked if anyone else in the office knew it was my birthday. He thought it was a bit odd there was no mention of it from anyone else. I told him that I didn't tell anyone and wanted to keep it on the down-low. No one else in the office follows me on social media, so without me telling them, they were unaware it was my birthday. They are also unaware of my activities and adventures outside of the office. Until that moment, he only knew me as "Aya", not "Eboni". I know he thinks it's odd and confusing because I go by two different names depending on the situation. But, through the years, I've learned that it is for the best- regardless of how odd it seems. You see, I have learned that people like to create their own stories for other people. When a person sees a photo, they imagine what it's like to be in the scene pictured. It doesn't matter if what they're think is true or not. In their mind, it's real, and it contributes to the formation of para-social relationships. As a performer, my lifestyle is quite different from the people around me. I follow a very strick diet, I spend several hours each day in the gym either working out or rehearsing choreographies. I have two wardrobes, my every day wardobe and my dance wardrobe, I spend a lot of time researching music and the culture behind the styles of dance I do. All of this to prepare for the performances and photos people see on social media, but no one ever sees the amount of effort it takes, just final result- and that is what people judge. As soon as they see my social media, I become a completely different person in their eyes. I've experienced this many times and it seems to be the case regardless of how long I've known the person. I've had friends who I've known for over a decade change after I began growing and improving as performer. I've also traveled out of the country and and have shared photos of my adventures. For some, that was the final straw and they felt like we could no longer relate with each other. Because of this phenomenon, I've decided it is best to not share my social media with people I see on a day-to-day basis. Though social media was intended to aid people in staying connected, it can interfere with the formation of authentic relationships. So many rely heavily on it. For a long while, people would only contact me via Facebook messenger- even if they had my phone number and knew where I live. For some of my friends, it took threatening to shut down my Facebook and Instagram account to get the message across that it was a problem. So when developing new intimate relationships, though it is tempting to add that person on Facebook or Insta, I think it's better to do it the "old school" way. Just get their number and chat via phone or text message- or even better, meet in person. That way each person can get a more accurate idea of who they are.